Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Celebrity Lunacy

Updated November 16, 2010

"And to play Dick Cheney, all I had to do was find my Dick Cheney. And you can find all the villainy in the world in your own heart, and that`s what an actor`s job is. I always say to kids, inside you is Hitler and Jesus. And you got to find the appropriate person and bring them out."


--RICHARD DREYFUSS


"I don't need to respect you, and you're a fag. You're gay, and stop being such a faggot... And will.i.am, f--- you, because you f---ing lied. You f---ing motherf----er... You're shameful. You're disgusting. You are subhuman... And Fergie, you're fugly, bitch."


--PEREZ HILTON (Mario Lavandeira)


"McCain don't belong in any chair unless he's paralyzed."


--LUDACRIS


“You do the actuary tables, there’s a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn’t survive his first term, and it’ll be President Palin…. It’s like a really bad Disney movie, ‘The Hockey Mom.’ Oh, I’m just a hockey mom from Alaska, and she’s president. She’s facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It’s absurd.”


“He’s (Bill Kristol) an idiot — he wrote that we should be grateful to George Bush because he won the Iraq war. We! Won! The! War!”


--MATT DAMON



"This just doesn't smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody's putting something in [John McCain's] Metamucil."


--DAVID LETTERMAN



"You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F--- you."


"This weekend I was performing at Northeastern and I just read the statement that Sarah Palin had made about the 'pro-American' parts of the country and I...in response to that, I think I might have said, you know, 'F--- you!' That's just my way of saying that I think that's a profanity to say, and I was answering with a profanity. But it's not really fair, and it makes it seem like I'm just addressing Governor Palin about this, and I'm not, it's just this whole entire theme that there's more American areas, or some people love the country, some people don't. So what I meant to say is, 'F--- all y'all.'"


--JON STEWART


"This just doesn't smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody's putting something in [John McCain's] Metamucil."

--DAVID LETTERMAN


"You're my man (John McCain). God bless you. You're a great war hero, but you are buggin' the f--- out. Sarah Palin, that is completely irresponsible... Yo, Sarah, you ain't ready to be no vice president, man... You are buggin' the f--- out, John McCain... I'm gonna bring millions out to the polls November 4th to make sure that... Alaska, m-----f---er? What is the reality in Alaska? Like what is... There's not even no crackheads in Alaska. There's not even no black people. There's not even no, like, crime."


--DIDDY



"Star-Spangled Banner going on right now. I don't even celebrate that (expletive). I'm black (expletive)... Obama and all that (expletive)."


--JOSH HOWARD



"You know I just, I just came back from Moscow, Berlin, London and Paris and it's the first, I've been there quite a few times in the past five to 10 years. And it just hasn't been a good thing to be American. And this is the first time, since Barack has gotten the nomination, that it, it was a good thing."


--WILL SMITH



[The bicoastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled] "by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing."


--ALICIA KEYS



"This current administration is no exception. They should be tried and hung and shot."


--ZACK DE LA ROCA



"The Republicans in the US manipulate public opinion and sweep controversial issues under the table. It's depressing. Decisions in America are based solely on the question of how much money will come out of it and not on the questions of how much health, morals or environment suffer as a result... The thing is that we elected Bush. That is worse. Against that, nobody chose a communist government in Czechoslovakia."


--MARTINA NAVRATILOVA



"I am so grateful that [Hillary Clinton] hasn't been trained to kill anybody."


--GLORIA STEINEM



"I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound, and this guy not only operates outside the bounds of the law, but he used to be a Nazi and he wears funny hats. That's right, the Pope is coming to America this week and, ladies, he's single."


"If you have a few hundred followers, and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you 'Pope.' It's like, if you can't pay your mortgage, you're a deadbeat. But if you can't pay a million mortgages, you're Bear Stearns and we bail you out. And that is who the Catholic Church is: the Bear Stearns of organized pedophilia -- too big, too fat."


"When the current Pope was in his previous Vatican job as John Paul's Dick Cheney, he wrote a letter instructing every Catholic bishop to keep the sex abuse of minors secret until the Statute of Limitations ran out. And that's the Church's attitude: 'We're here, we're queer, get used to it,' which is fine, far be it from me to criticize religion. But just remember one thing: If the Pope was -- instead of a religious figure -- merely the CEO of a nationwide chain of day care centers, where thousands of employees had been caught molesting kids and then covering it up, he'd be arrested faster than you can say 'who wants to touch Mr. Wiggle?'"


"[The Republicans] have something very gay, excuse me, going on with Ronald Reagan. I mean, they love Ronald Reagan in a way that's just gay. I'm sorry. But, I think they want to put him on a stamp so that they can lick his backside. Well, seriously, I mean – am I right?"


"Why couldn't, uh, why couldn't have [Rush Limbaugh] croaked from [OxyContin] instead of Heath Ledger?"


--BILL MAHER



"Every time I hear the word 'conservative,' it makes me sick to my stomach, because they're really just fake Christians, as I call them. That's all they are."


--CHARLES BARKLEY



"I'll do whatever [Obama] says to do. I'll collect paper cups off the ground to make his pathway clear."


--HALLE BERRY



"We've been redefined for seven years now as a war-mongering, far right, intolerant nation who's raping our own atmosphere and demonizing the poor and letting the banks rob us blind… And I think Obama will, at the very least, put the brakes on this madness and in some ways heal it… [B]eing a man of color, I think the rest of the world, if they see that America elects a man of color I think they'll breathe a big sigh of relief and not think that we're this warmongering, rich white guy country."


--RICHARD BELZER



"[Obama] walks into a room and you want to follow him somewhere, anywhere."


--GEORGE CLOONEY



"[S]o I think [Obama] definitely has convinced people that he stands for change and for hope, and I -- I -- you know, I can't wait to see what he stands for."


--SUSAN SARANDON


"I don't want to sound like an ad, a public service ad on TV, but the fact is if you can read, you can walk into a job later on. If you don't, then you've got, the Army, Iraq, I don't know, something like that. It's, it's not as bright. So, that's my little commercial for that."


"Someone in the Bush family should actually be waterboarded so they could report on it to George. I said, I didn't think he would do it, but I suggested Jenna be waterboarded and then she could talk about whether or not she thought it was torture."


"If I know anything, I know scary. And giving this president and this out-of-control Congress two more years to screw up our future is downright terrifying."


--STEPHEN KING



"Right, oh, yeah, Happy 9/11! Celebrate the day, right?"


--JAMES BROLIN, Mr. Barbra Streisand



"I had made a request that I be interviewed by (co-hosts) Joy (Behar), Barbara (Walters) or Whoopi (Goldberg), but not Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Unfortunately, the show was not willing to accommodate this simple request so I bowed out. It's really too bad because I've always been a big supporter of the show, but I cannot compromise my (pro-abortion) beliefs."


--BARRY MANILOW



"I just thought it was interesting, because it seemed like a light went off in [Michael Vick's] head when he realized [dogfighting] was something that the entire country didn't appreciate, didn't like. This is part of his cultural upbringing."


"Should I be worried about being a slave and being returned to slavery?"


--WHOOPI GOLDBERG



"How did we elect Bush twice? What's interesting to me is how do the bad people among us end up our leaders?"


--RICHARD GERE



"It was one of my life's proudest achievements.

"More than the films, more than the awards — finding out that I was on Nixon's Enemies List meant that I was doing something right…

"I was proud to stand with Democrats against an imperial president back then. And I am proud now to stand with a new generation of Democrats against a president who poses what I believe to be the biggest internal threat to American democracy in my lifetime."


--PAUL NEWMAN




"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting… [W]e can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."


--SHERYL CROW



"You have broken our country; you have broken our hearts. The needless blood on your hands ... is drowning the freedom, the security and the dream that America might have been, once healed up from Sept. 11, 2001."


"But now we are encouraged to self-censor any words that might be perceived as inflammatory, if our belief is that we should stop this war today. We cower as you point your fingers telling us to support our troops - well, you (Bush) and the smarmy pundits in your pocket - those who bathe in the moisture of your blood-soaked underwear can take that noise and shove it, because we will be snowed no more."


"Let's fight this president and put him in f--ing jail."


"You (Bush) and your smarmy pundits -- and the smarmy pundits you have in your pocket -- can take your war and shove it."


"If they don't stand up and make a resolution as binding as the death toll, we are not going to be behind those politicians."



(Referring to President George W. Bush) "[H]e's Beelzebub -- and a dumb one."


--SEAN PENN



"We've gone from this tremendous power that was respected all over the world to somewhat of a laughing stock."


"Well, I think Bush is probably the worst president in the history of the United States. And I just don't understand how [the Democrats] could have lost that election."


"Everything in Washington has been a lie. Weapons of mass destruction, it was a total lie. It was a way of attacking Iraq, which [Bush] thought was going to be easy and it turned out to be the exact opposite of easy. He reads 60 books a year. He reads a book a week. Do you think the president reads a book a week? I don't think so. He doesn't watch television. Now, one thing I know is when I'm on television, I watch, or I try. You do. Your own ego says, let's watch. Whether good or bad, you want to watch. He doesn't watch television. He's on television being interviewed by you or someone else, he doesn't watch. Does anyone really believe that?"


--DONALD TRUMP



"I'm just saying if [Dick Cheney] did die, other people, more people would live. That's a fact."


--BILL MAHER



"Well, you know, I hate gay people. I let it be known I don't like gay people. I don't like to be around gay people. I'm homophobic. It shouldn't be in the world, in the United States, I don't like it."


--TIM HARDAWAY



"Well, to quote the great Simpsons: heh-heh."



(Referring to President George W. Bush) "You're a dumb f---."


"The entire country may disagree with me, but I don't understand the necessity for patriotism. Why do you have to be a patriot? About what? This land is our land? Why? You can like where you live and like your life, but as for loving the whole country… I don't see why people care about patriotism."


"I apologized for disrespecting the office of the President. But I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel he is owed any respect whatsoever."


--NATALIE MAINES



"I knew it was the last seven limoncellos that was going to get me... Numb nuts (President Bush)."


--DANNY DeVITO



"You know, we love him. We'll have [Danny DeVito] on again."


--BARBARA WALTERS


"Organised religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into really hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate."


--ELTON JOHN



"I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans."


--GWYNETH PALTROW



"Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."


"And just one second, radical Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America. ...[W]e are bombing innocent people in other countries. True or false?"


"This President invaded a sovereign nation in defiance of the UN. He is basically a war criminal. Honestly. He should be tried at The Hague."


"People who lie die of cancer."



"I don’t defend the mullahs. I defend the innocent civilians living in Iraq who had nothing to do with attacking the United States, and who are dying in unprecedented numbers because of the occupation by the U.S. forces of their nation. So, I'm against us being a bully, the U.S."


"No one in the upper echelon ever pays, none of those rich white guys who run the government. And I support the troops and the Lynndie England and the people who are on the ground doing it because I was never one of those rich white guys."


--ROSIE O'DONNELL



"F-----g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world."


--MEL GIBSON



"This Easter season, let’s give [Christians] what they want – let’s go to the zoo, get some lions, and feed them Tom DeLay."


--BILL MAHER



"And so I have to qualify it by saying I'm not qualified to speak on the page-to-page content of the initiative. Although, I am quite sure that I'll agree with [Missouri's Amendment 2] in spirit, I don't know, I -- On full disclosure, I haven't read it, and that's why I didn't put myself up for it distinctly."


--MICHAEL J. FOX



"The President is a moron! I'm saying it. I don't care. He's an idiot. Cheney is evil. I'm sick of, impeach them, get them out! I hate them! I hate them. Get them out. They got to go!...What is it going to take for you people? Get Bush out! Impeach. Out! Out! Out!"


--KATHY GRIFFIN



"It seems to me like 19 amateurs with box cutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75% of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory. It raises a lot of questions... September 11 wasn't the Zapruder film, it was the Zapruder film festival."


--CHARLIE SHEEN



"[Bush] wasn’t surprised, because he knew all about the planning for 9/11."


"Secretary of State Colin Powell lied about WMDs. That was the true tragedy of race: a black man lying for a corrupt white administration that was using him as a token, much as they use Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice now.

Obama is also a token -- of our incomplete progress toward an interracial society. I have nothing against him except his inexperience. Many black voters agree. They understand tokenism and condescension."


--ERICA JONG



"Well, I've often thought the Bible should have a disclaimer in the front saying this is fiction.


--IAN McKELLEN


"We want change. We want this war to end. And how did Bush respond? Twenty-one thousand, five hundred more will risk their lives for his misguided war. Is impeachment still off the table? Let's get him out of office."


"We have right now a media that is willfully ignoring the high crimes and misdemeanors of the president of the United States. [Bush] got us into [the Iraq] war based on lies that he knew were lies. ... His war has recruited more Al-Qaeda members than Osama bin Laden could ever have dreamed for ... yet no one in the media is calling for impeachment."

"In my country we seem to be sanctioning renditioning of innocent people without trial ... put them in jail without telling anyone ... and torture them out of suspicion of what we think they might do."

--TIM ROBBINS



"Just go to Texas and suck George Bush's d--k."


--MADONNA



"Okay, how many here, if you shot a friend in the face, would go to the hospital, either in the ambulance or in one of the bullet-proof cars that the Secret Service has to see if your friend was okay? So either [Cheney] was drunk and couldn't show up at the hospital -- (does drunk impersonation) 'I'm sorry, Harry' -- You know, they can't do that. Or he's an amazing jerk. Really? Right? Or, of course, both."


--AL FRANKEN


"I dislike Condoleezza Rice more than Bush. The thing about it is that she's gotten a free ride from black people. People say, 'She's so successful' and 'Look at her position as a black woman.' She is a black woman who grew up in Birmingham, Ala., and said that she never experienced a day of racism in her life. Condi, stop smoking that crack!"


--SPIKE LEE



"If I hear one more person tell me how [Bush] is a man of faith, I think I'll lose my mother-f---ing mind... He left his ranch in Crawford to see about one woman, Terry Schiavo, he left his ranch early. But when thousands and thousands of people were being, dying in New Orleans, this son of a bitch didn't do shit, and that's very un-Christlike to me."


--D.L. HUGHLEY



"I think we’ve never been as close to George Orwell’s '1984' as before. We live in a society where individual rights and legality are definitely threatened and that’s scary."



"We should have asked more questions in the beginning. Something as huge as war, something as big as sending your kids off to kill, should have some kind of discussion."


--SUSAN SARANDON (Note: "Sending your kids off to kill" doesn't sound like the statement of someone proud of the U.S. military.)



"Unless you are willing to accept torture as part of a normal American political lexicon, unless you are willing to accept that leaving the Geneva Convention is fine and dandy, if you accept the expansion of wiretapping as business as usual, the only way to express this now is to embrace the difficult and perhaps embarrassing process of impeachment."


--RICHARD DREYFUSS



"Anything that is erotic has been banned in the United States. Look at the people at the top (of the government). We are living under a government that is constantly hammering out Christian values. And Christianity and sex have never been good friends."


--PAUL VERHOEVEN



The United States is "the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet."


--DICK GREGORY



"I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder."


--BILL MAHER



"I would think that if you understood what Communism was, you would hope, you would pray on your knees, that we would someday become communists."



"I haven't spoken at an anti-war rally in 34 years because of lies about me that were used to hurt the anti-war movement. But silence is no longer an option. Thank you so much for the courage to stand up to this mean-spirited and vengeful administration."


--JANE FONDA



"If there was ever a time in history to impeach a President of the United States, it would be now. In my opinion, it is two years too late. We were clearly deceived by this administration and now we find ourselves fighting a war under false pretenses.”


"Only if [Democrats control Congress] can we even begin to imagine a time when there will be a myriad of investigations so desperately needed on so many issues - let alone the ultimate investigation which would involve the conduct of the president of the United States and the determination of whether his actions warranted impeachment proceedings."


--BARBRA STREISAND



[Bush and his administration] were inept. They were inadequate to the task, and they lied. And they were insulting, and they were vindictive. And they were heartless. They did not care. They do not care. They do not care about Iraqi people. They do not care about the families of dead soldiers. They only care about profit, and they will destroy our lives."


--DONALD SUTHERLAND



"I got a letter from the Republican Party the other day. I wrote back, 'Go f--- yourself.' George Bush is a fan of mine -- he came to see me in the Seventies. His coke dealer brought him."


--BETTE MIDLER



"To send people off to die for a lie -- I swear I never thought I'd see that again in my lifetime….It's beyond impeachable. If we had just one house of Congress, this man would be impeached."


--ROB REINER



"And so basically, what it looks like is going to happen is that Libby and Karl Rove are going to be executed.... And I don't know how I feel about it because I'm basically against the death penalty, but they are going to be executed it looks like."


--AL FRANKEN



"I don't know what it's going to take for people to really wake up and understand that [Bush and his administration] are liars and they are murderers."


"You have to put like a Hitler type [on TIME's cover as Person of the Year]. Like, you put Donald Rumsfeld there or something."


--JOY BEHAR



"It's not like your normal, 'I am angry, I protest' song. There's a groove going on. It's kind of cookin' along on a nice groove. And I'm saying like 'Wow' in the middle, a little bit of a surprise for a statement I wanted to make. It became very heartfelt." (Bacharach said he cried doing the vocal.)

--BURT BACHARACH



"No matter what the greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world, George W. Bush says, we're here to tell you: Not hundreds, not thousands, but millions of the American people ... support your (Hugo Chavez) revolution."




When asked about what impact prominent blacks such as Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice had on the Bush administration's relations with minorities:

"Hitler had a lot of Jews high up in the hierarchy of the Third Reich. Color does not necessarily denote quality, content or value. [If] a black is a tyrant, he is first and foremost a tyrant, then he incidentally is black. Bush is a tyrant and if he gathers around him black tyrants, they all have to be treated as they are being treated."



--HARRY BELAFONTE